Entries for October, 2005

it's about time
Posted by starrytrix at 11:25 AM

do i have to eat a lot when we're together so that you'll enjoy dining with me?
do i have to be good in math(or at least like math) so that we can share anecdotes about it every time we talk?
do i have to be taller so that i can qualify for your standards?
do i have to be mushy/clingy all the time so that you'll feel my sweetness?
do i have to hum along everytime you sing so that you'll hum with me also?
do i have to laugh at your jokes all the time so that you won’t think i am corny?
do i have to agree with your opinions all the time so that we won't argue?
do i have to compliment everything you do so that you'll feel special?
do i have to tolerate your childish-ness so that we'll be on the same level?
do i have to stay at the sidelines so that you can have it your way?
do i have to text you first so that you'll know i’m here?
do i have to book you a week before so that we can go out?
do i have to blindly fall for your excuses so that i won’t feel rejected?
do i have to be always available so that you can have a fallback?
do i have to always say yes so that i can steal a fraction of your precious time?
do i have to be numb so that your sarcasm won't hit me?
do i have to stop dreaming so that i wouldn't expect too much?
do i have to remain your second choice so that you can have someone to run to whenever they cannot make it?
do i have to smile all the the time so that my sadness would be concealed?
do i have to swallow my pride so that you can enjoy yours?
do i have to nod always so that you won't get offended?
do i have to intently listen to your stories so that you'll pay attention to mine?
do i have to be like “them” so that you’ll appreciate me?
do i have to believe in everything you say so that i won’t be hurt too much?
do i have to hold back my tears everytime i face you so that our special moment won't be ruined?
do i have to do all the things you do so that i can keep up with you?

And lastly, do i have to do all of these things so that you’d love me as much as i love you?

my friends always ask me if i am happy and more often than not, i just smile. they take that smile as a yes even if there's a bit of uncertainty behind it. the truth is, i just don't know what to answer that's why i just smile. i don't want them to find out that i really don't know if this is something for real.

i thought that you were different from them. more than anything else, i thought you are someone whom i can finally consider as "the one."

if there's one thing im wishing to happen right now, it is for you to read this. i know the last "do i have to" is one of the last things in your mind but i hope you'll (at least) be aware of what i am going through and my willingness to resort to these things just to make you realize that for me, it is more than that. i know i can't make you love me but i'll keep on hanging because i know one day, you'll feel the same way also.

that's what ever afters are for, right?


4 comments

im dead
Posted by starrytrix at 09:06 PM

how come life is so unfair?

last week, my heart was broken(just check the previous entry). and today, i found out that i failed taxation! pucha, i know i did my best and even submitted all the necessary requirements and this is what i'll get?

i really can't believe it. all my classmates told me that it might just be an error or something like that.

i've been crying for 2 weeks already and it seems that my cry fest will hit its 3rd week. people see me as someone who has a strong personality but it was just my way of hiding my weakness. i am terribly emotional too, you know what i mean?

drama.drama.drama.

i seldom question God whenever i encounter trials because i know He has a purpose for doing so. instead of blaming Him for all my miseries, i just think that i will be retributed after it. that's how i keep my optimism alive and i hope that it will still work this time.


2 comments

seminar series part 1
Posted by starrytrix at 01:28 AM

to disencumber the series of distress i've been experiencing for the past weeks, i attended several seminars and found out they have healing powers! well, at least for me.

i know everybody's already sick and tired of hearing my very unfortunate story that's why im going to post a rather inspiring entry.

as i've said earlier, kina-career ko na ang mga seminars! last week, i attended Inkblots and just last wednesday, i attended Inquirer's Superfest. this is actually new to me because i never paid too much attention to school-related seminars before. as a matter of fact, during my early years in college, i spent most of my time with the pep squad that's why time did not permit me to attend those kind of seminars.

however, i had an epiphany just this sembreak which pushed me to finally give these seminars a shot. and boy i am so glad i did.

actually, i have 2 reasons for doing so. first is to make up for the lost time and opportunities and second is to deviate from further wallowing in self-pity.

ok, so first is the Inkblots. actually, i already had plans of attending this seminar years back but for some strange reasons, it didn't pushed through. anyway, i was with mitch and ace during the 3-day seminar. i was really impressed with all the preparations(hooray Varsi!). aside from the unending supply of food, the Varsi people invited credible and interesting speakers(though i wasn't familiar with some of the speakers).

so day 1 started with a keynote speech from ma'am chari villa(which was supposedly maria ressa) of abs-cbn. i never thought that she would be so dynamic because she seemed a bit stiff when i first saw her. she was funny and animated while speaking and in fact, reminded me of ma'am mamawal! we(journ peeps) all know how much high-spirited ma'am marie is even at 8am in the morning! maybe that's how broadcast people are, no? after that, the floor was given to the "cannon" of phil. investigative journalism, ma'am shiela coronel. gawd, i was really taken with her mere presence. just like what ace said, ang lakas ng dating ni ma'am shiela at napakapowerful nya! after lunch, sir michael coroza talked about filipino journalism and i learned from mitch and ace that he was supposedly our prof. in fil.journ. sayang nga naman because he was really good. the last speaker for the day was the uber-hyper sir ruel de vera of Inquirer. grabe, i thought i was in a comedy bar while he was speaking because he was so hilarious! as in. but he was still able to deliver a noteworthy lecture despite all the stand-up comedic acts. day 2 was started by sir luige del puerto's lecture on newswriting. he wasn't as energetic as the others but he was ok. next was sir cuartero and he brought the house down when he called Champ of Hale as the special guest in our mock presscon. naturally, all the girls went berserk but i must say that he really looked good in person. he even stayed for lunch and ate with the rest of the fellows. after lunch, we had the parallel sessions and mitch, ace and i attended the broadcast session with sir arnold clavio. he talked about his experiences when he was just starting and how he worked hard for his current success(apparently, he's next in line to mike enriquez). day 3 was started by sir christian esguerra's lecture on campus paper management and surprisingly, everybody was very eager to listen. most especially the girsl who were obviously kinikilig while listening to sir ian. sir quinito henson's lecture on sportswriting followed and he invited coach ryan gregorio, richard yee, and jondan salvador of Purefoods for our mock presscon. he asked us to write a short article based on the presscon and the winners got special prizes courtesy of Purefoods. ace was one of the winners and took home a bag of canned goods. lucky guy. ma'am maritess vitug, EIC of Newsbreak, gave us a lecture on journ ethics after lunch. i find her really pleasant and mitch even told me that she never got mad during their ojt days at Newsbreak. ang sarap siguro maging boss ni ma'am vitug! anyway, the last part of the seminar was the panel discussion about the hazards of journalism with ma'am alice colet-villadolid, ma'am glenda gloria, and sir jiggy manicad(oh lurve!) as speakers. hehe, perhaps this was the highlight of the seminar for me because i developed a crush on jiggy manicad(kidding)! seriously man, he's really cute! he was soft-spoken and he smiled a lot during the discussion. ay grabe, he was really charming i tell you!

to be continued...ang dami ko pang kwento eh!

*miss ko na si babe! nakakalungkot kasi di ko na sha makikita next sem ='(
1 comments

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