near bliss
Posted by starrytrix at 11:29 PM

i know no end to desiring you.
but why should i seek to end it?
i carry a picture of you in my head
like a precious object.
i was happy for days.
so why should i seek to end this
when what makes me happy rests solely on you?

-Roland Barthes

after i read this line from book a few days ago, i finally figured out that i should definitely not hold back whatever that keeps me happy these days. right. happy days are here again and i opt to keep it that way. nobody makes me happy the way he does. the way he intoxicates me with so much near-bliss is just unbelievable. his silly remarks plus one twitched eye brow never fails to keep me laughing. the moment i saw him again(after a month which felt like a looong time), the feeling was absolutely indescribable because i never thought im gonna see him again. thank god for poker and tapsi because we met again and the rest, cliche-ish as it may sound, is history. manna from heaven, indeed. yes, im still in a daze whenever i think of those brief yet passionate moments. these and more are the things that keep me happy. and so does he. and im never gonna give it up nor trade it for anything else. i may sound ridiculous and a tad sappy but hey, there's nothing wrong in telling everybody what or who colors my world and makes me damn feel special in his little(and unaware) ways.him.
3 comments

im a wreck
Posted by starrytrix at 09:44 PM

i am a wreck without you. really, i am.

just when i thought that everything's gonna be fine, the sky turned black and i was left floating to shambles...again. it's funny how you can easily spill out your real feelings about someone to almost every human being you encounter but then you still don't have the guts to actually say it to that person. right now, i feel like i'm a time bomb slowly ticking to explode. i only have like barely a month to tell him how i really feel(well, my friends told me that this is the best thing to do!) before he leaves. but the problem is, i don't know how to do it. ok, i admit that im such a coward when it comes to things like that. i find it hard to admit how i really feel for a person but this time, i really have to do it no matter what because if i don't, i'd regret it my entire life. the moment i heard that he's leaving soon, my lips trembled and tears wet my eyes. good thing i kept my composure and acted like i heard nothing alarming. sleepless nights followed and now i feel like a total wreck. gawd, its been years since the last time i felt like this. i was totally in a daze after knowing that. good thing again that i have friends that i can run to in times like this. they readily comforted me and told me that everything will be ok. im not really used to crying in front of other people especially now that im older but i could not help it, seems that those tears that i kept for a long time easily rushed out this time. turned out that im a weakling too. i never thought that he would have such an effect on me and until now, im still surprised he did. i just hope that he'll realize soon how i am feeling about him.

thanks to all those who listened to me and understood my situation. love you guys!
1 comments

another blunder
Posted by starrytrix at 07:41 PM

bakit lahat ng bawal masarap gawin?
at bakit lahat ng hindi pwede pinagpipilitan mong mangyari?

sheessh...bad trixie. i should have not done that! tsk tsk, id probably get a lot of scolding from madz and lili. my problem's not yet over and here i am plummeting into another one. why do i lack self-control?! am i being too giving or am i just an impulsive moron? im bad, terribly bad.
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